NAMNA INAYOFAA YA KUSHUGHULIKA NA MALALAMIKO

WATU wengi wamejaribu kuwashawishi wengine jinsi wanavyofikiri kufanya kwa kuzungumzia zaidi kuhusu mambo yao. Waache na wengine wazungumze.

Kwani wanajua zaidi kuhusu shughuli zao na matatizo kuliko unavyodhani. Kwa hiyo ni vema uendelee kuwauliza maswali ili waweze kukwambia mambo machache wanayoyajua.
Watu wengi hujikuta wakiingilia kati pale ambapo hawakubaliani na mazungumzo ya mwingine. Lakini wewe usifanye hivyo. Ni hatari. Hawatakusikiliza wakati bado wana mawazo yao mengi ya kueleza.
Hivyo ni vema kusikiliza kwa utulivu na kuweka kumbukumbu kile kinachozungumzwa. Kuwa mtulivu katika hilo. Watie moyo kuelezea mawazo yao yote.
Je, unafikiri utaratibu huo ni mzuri? Hebu tumuangalie mfanyabiashara. Kulikuwa na mfanyabiashara moja ambaye alikuwa akitafuta soko kwa ajili ya biashara yake, kabla ya kumwona mhusika mkuu wa ofisi aliyokuwa anakwenda, alipata tatizo la kukaukiwa na sauti yake.
Alipopata nafasi ya kuonana na Mkurugenzi huyo wa kampuni aliyokwenda, aliandika kwenye karatasi kumweleza kuwa sauti yake imekauka na kumuuliza kama wanaweza kuendelea katika hali hiyo aliyonayo na mhusika yule akamwambia kwamba wanaweza kuendelea na mazungumzo yao.
Hivyo, alitoa nyaraka mbalimbali za uthibitisho wa bidhaa zake, ambapo Mkurugenzi yule alipokuwa akizipitia alikuwa akitabasamu kwa kuonyesha kuwa anakubaliana na bidhaa hizo.
Alimpongeza mfanyabiashara huyo kwa kuwa na bidhaa nzuri na kuamua kusaini naye mkataba. Baada ya kutiliana saini, mfanyabiashara alisema tangu aanze biashara yake hiyo hajawahi kupata kazi yenye mkataba wa fedha nyingi kama ulivyo huo.
“Ninajua kuwa ningepoteza mkataba huu kama sauti yangu isingekauka, kwa sababu nilikuwa na mawazo tofauti katika mazungumzo yote tuliyoyafanya.
“Nimegundua kuwa kukauka sauti kwangu kwa bahati mbaya, kumenipatia utajiri mkubwa, hivyo wakati mwingine ni vyema kuwaacha watu wengine wazungumze,” anasema mfanyabiashara huyo.
Kuwaacha watu wengine wazungumze kunasaidia katika mazingira ya familia pia kwenye biashara. Mfano mwingine ni wa mama mmoja na mtoto wake Lilly ambao walikuwa hawana mahusiano mazuri.
Lily alikuwa ni mtoto mkimya asiyependa kuzungumza, lakini alikuwa hana uhusiano mzuri na mama yake wakati wa ukuaji wake, kwa kuwa mama yake alikuwa akimtishia na kumwadhibu pasipo sababu za msingi.
Kutokana na adhabu hizo mtoto huyo alikuwa akimwangalia tu mama yake, na mama huyo alipokuwa akimgombeza mtoto huyo alimwangalia tu na kuondoka eneo hilo.
Siku moja mama huyo aliwaambia wenzake kuwa mtoto wake amemshinda hivyo amenawa mikono juu yake. ” Mtoto huyu amenishinda amekuwa akiondoka nyumbani na kwenda kwa rafiki yake wa kike bila kuaga, lakini aliporudi nilikosa nguvu ya kumwadhibu tena, nilimwangalia kwa huzuni na kumuuliza kwa nini Lilly unafanya hivi?,” anasema mama huyo.
Kwa maelezo ya mama huyo, mtoto wake alimwangalia kwa upole na kumuuliza, “Je ni kweli unataka kujua?,” mama huyo anasema kwanza alimwangalia mtoto wake na kuanza kupatwa na wasiwasi, baada ya muda wasiwasi huo ukatoweka. Hakuwa tayari kumsikiliza, japo amekuwa mara nyingi akimwambia mtoto huyo kufanya kile na kile.
Mama huyo anasema wakati mtoto Lilly alipokuwa anamweleza mawazo na hisia zake, aliingilia kati na kutoa mamlaka nyingi kumzuia asiendelee kuzungumza.
Lakini mama anasema aliaza kutambua kuwa mtoto huyo alimhitaji, si kwamba awe kama mama ambaye anajiona ni bosi, lakini mwenye ujasiri na hayo ndiyo matokeo ya kumchanganya katika makuzi yake. Na mtoto huyo alipokuwa akijaribu kuzungumza na mama yake, mama huyo hakuwa tayari kumsikiliza.
Baada ya kukaa na kutathmini mama huyo alijiona kuwa ana makosa katika malezi ya mtoto wake, kwani mtoto huyo alihitaji kusikilizwa na kuheshimiwa mawazo yake. Tokea siku hiyo mama huyo alimwacha mtoto wake kumweleza hisia zake na aliweza kumsikiliza.
“Tangu wakati huo na kuendelea nimekuwa nikimwacha mtoto wangu azungumze kile anachotaka. Ananishirikisha mambo yake na uhusiano wetu umeanza kuwa mzuri, amerudi kuwa mtu wenye ushirikiano,” anasema mama huyo.
Hivyo, ni jambo zuri kwa wazazi kuwa karibu na watoto wao, kujua nini wanapenda, upungufu wao na jinsi gani anaweza kumrekebisha kwa hekima pasipo kutumia jazba wala kujionyesha kuwa yeye ni bosi hivyo mtoto anapaswa kumsikiliza kwa kila jambo.
Malezi bora ni pale wazazi na watoto wanapoelezana jambo kwa uwazi, hekima na kusikilizana hata kufikia mwisho wa jambo lenyewe. Ni vema kutoa nafasi kwa wengine nao waweze kutoa mawazo yao.

ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO VALUE GENDER EQUALITY

How do our kids learn about how men and women behave? In part, by watching us, but they pick up ideas from outside the home too, attitudes and stereotypes that we might not agree with.

Like last night my son told my wife about a sorting game that he enjoys playing at school, in which fruits and vegetables get separated into different baskets, and boys’ clothes and girls’ clothes stacked in different drawers. What’s the difference between “boys’ clothes” and “girls’ clothes,” my wife asked him. He said the boys wear pants that are blue and shirts that are green, while girls wear pink dresses. She explained that she didn’t have any pink dresses, while he owns a pair of pink crocs, and she also wears blue jeans. “Oh yeah,” he admitted. “But I like playing the game anyway.”

That’s fine, I think, because sometimes at home he pretends to be a princess with a crown, in a dress. He sees his mom working in the garden in scuffed-up jeans and tee-shirts, getting her hands dirty without complaint, while I don an apron to wash dishes or make dinner. My wife and I don’t hold to stereotypical gender roles — she’s the breadwinner, working full-time, while I’ve been the stay-at-home dad for the past 5 years — and so even though restrictive ideas about gender sometimes slip in, they’ve yet to take hold in my son’s head, and hopefully they won’t. Actively resisting such stereotypes is a part of our family’s culture.

The CBC reports that a recent study by the University of British Columbia shows that the family’s culture is key to a child’s development of gender identity. For mothers, the correlation is direct: How a mother talks about gender equality is basically how her children will speak about gender equality. For fathers, that wasn’t the case, at least not when there’s a daughter in the picture. When it comes to dads and little girls, actions speak louder than words.

The study, which looked at 326 children aged seven to 13, found that if a man was seen performing a greater share of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare — chores traditionally performed by women — then his daughter was less likely to say she wanted to pursue a stereotypical female career such as teaching or staying-at-home with her kids. Instead, his daughter would aspire to professional, white-collar jobs such as being a doctor or a lawyer. Keep in mind that this doesn’t indicate what the girls will actually grow up to do; that’s not what it’s about. Rather, it shows that the dad’s behavior around the home affects the girl’s ambition.

Interestingly, there was no perceived effect on boys, who aspired to gender-stereotypical careers no matter what role their father played in the house. I’d be curious to know what little boys who have stay-at-home dads would say. My son models himself on me all the time, so if I’m vacuuming he wants to vacuum, or if I like kicking around a soccer ball (which I do) then he will too. When asked what he wants to be when he grows up, he says a writer and a dad, like me.

As I’ve written before, toys can impact how kids perceive gender as well. If your children have no female action figures to play with, then they’re going to develop ideas that all heroes are boys. There’s good news from LEGO on this front. LEGO announced that their next Ideas set will feature women in science — an astronomer, a paleontologist, and a chemist. This set won a voting competition over ones based on the TV shows Sherlock and Adventure Time, and the video game The Legend of Zelda. The set will be called LEGO Research Institute, and is based on the belief that, as the designer of the set Alatariel Elensar wrote in her proposal, “Girls can become anything they want.”

Indeed they can, but sadly, our children need reminding. So keep talk actively about gender in your house! Discuss how men and women can be anything they want to be, especially if you find your children coming home with ideas that say otherwise. Encourage them to play with all kinds of toys, and make sure that they have both men and women figures to pretend with. And, most importantly, I think, show them that men and women both have roles to play both in the house, and in the workplace. Split the housework as much as possible. It’s my hope that someday news of women action figures won’t be news at all, it’ll just be the norm.

Lessons Learned as a Woman Scientist

 Women in Science AUSTRALIA

ONE WOMAN’S STORY

Marguerite Evans-Galea is one of a number of women pursuing research science as a profession. She graduated from The University of Queensland with a Bachelor of Music, a Bachelor of Science and a Post-graduate Diploma of Science, and then completed her PhD at The University of New South Wales.

Developing an international profile is critical for scientists, so Maggie accepted a post-doctoral fellowship in Utah, in the United States. Her husband Charles, also a scientist, became the ‘trailing spouse’ and agreed with enthusiasm to the move.

Within the first week of starting her fellowship, Maggie recalls being surprised by a question from her new supervisor about whether she was hoping to start a family. She recalls he said ‘I don’t recommend it; it kills careers for women’. She was shocked to hear someone express this view but, as it turned out, the comment was not too far off the mark. When part-way through her contract Maggie received the exciting news that she was pregnant and eagerly told her boss, he replied with: ‘I think it’s time for you to finish up, Maggie.’ She was gobsmacked.

She sought legal advice about her options, negotiated a severance package and left the team. Maggie then started job-hunting while pregnant.

Charles accepted a position at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis and they offered to assist with partners finding a position, so the family moved. Maggie accepted a post-doctoral fellowship with two senior clinician researchers. They both understood her needs as primary carer for her daughter and gave Maggie the necessary flexibility around work hours, provided she met her performance outcomes and deadlines. For Maggie, this meant she could totally focus on work during the day and avoid facing a ‘guilt trip’ when she had to leave early for well-baby visits or to beat the childcare’s closing time. This made her feel valued. She was more productive and engaged, with greater well-being and reduced absenteeism – she could effectively maintain her work-life balance.

After 10 years away, Maggie, Charles and Bre decided to return home to Australia. Maggie now works as a research scientist at the Murdoch Childrens Research Instituteat the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne. The Institute is fostering a new way of working that maximises the potential and productivity of its entire staff who opt for flexible work practices. It provides comprehensive information to managers and staff around planning parental leave. Managers are encouraged to commence discussions with their staff who are planning parental leave, build strategies to keep in touch over the break, and if staff desire, ensure they are included and informed. This approach will help researchers like Maggie better juggle family and work responsibilities.

SO WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?
Girls are opting out of maths and science in their final years of high school in growing numbers, which is exacerbating the scarcity of women in science. The debate around reasons for the low uptake of women in science has been raging for some time. Of all the barriers that hold women back, embedded mindsets and biases about the capabilities of men and women are probably the most insidious – that men are implicitly better than women at science, maths and careers whereas women are more naturally gifted in the arts, family and domesticity.

Yet the facts simply don’t support these biases. Australian girls score higher in mathematics than the average for both genders compared to other OECD countries (although slightly lower than Australian boys). Yet few girls choose Year 12 mathematics and science subjects. In 2004 the ratio of boys to girls studying intermediate mathematics was one girl for every nineteen boys. In 2004 to 2006 the percentage of girls studying combined physics and chemistry averaged 8.6 percent.

Unfortunately, women’s representation at each step of the career ladder in science also markedly declines. In biomedical research, for instance, women are well represented at graduate, PhD and post-doctoral fellowship levels, occupying 50 to 60 percent of positions. Yet only around 25 percent of women fill team leader and group leader roles. The pipeline becomes a mere trickle at the upper echelons of leadership, where women hold a mere 15 percent of leadership roles.

Why then, do women scientists opt out of leadership roles? Part of the answer lies in the timing. The transition step to a leadership role is very important in a scientist’s career, but often coincides with the time when many women start families and so for various reasons, women exit the career at this critical stage.

A second reason lies in the myth of a meritocracy – that objective selection processes will ensure the best person will be selected to a vacancy. There is a growing body of research that demonstrates that our selection processes are far from merit-based, but are often flawed, biased and subjective. In studies where identical résumés are assessed, with just the sex of the candidate changed, men are rated more favourablythan identically experienced women. Men just have the advantage because of their gender.

Another reason why male leadership is so embedded relates to the pervasive power of stereotypes. Research suggests that the more we talk about these stereotypes, the more we may be unintentionally reinforcing them by legitimizing the prejudice and condoning the status quo, which leads us to discriminate more – a virtuous circle.

BEYOND THE ISSUES
Maggie’s experience demonstrates the ongoing challenges of combining a successful professional career with personal fulfilment. In Utah, she experienced first-hand negative biases and ‘stereotypes’ and the consequent scarcity of women in leadership positions. She then experienced a more inclusive organisational culture in Memphis, where her career developed and where women in leadership were more visible.

Reflecting back on that time, Maggie has four pieces of advice for women scientists facing bias, discrimination and/or a lack of support.

First, have a good support network and do not be afraid to ask for help. You need to be able to debrief with someone you can trust and who will unconditionally support you. You also need someone who can share the practicalities of parenting and assist if needed.

Secondly, seek a mentor. Mentors help give perspective, challenge your thinking and provide alternative approaches you may not have considered when facing obstacles or managing unexpected situations.

Thirdly, find the right employer and the right manager. Choose workplaces where part-time or flexible work and career breaks are not considered a career killer, and are routinely accessed by women and men, and work for leaders who understand the productivity and innovation spin-offs that diversity brings.

Lastly, challenge your internal critic and learn to believe in your own abilities. This is the start of shifting from the mindset of ‘I’m not ready’ to ‘I want to put my hand up for this’.

Increasing the numbers of women in science is critical to the future of humanity and society as a whole, and we can all play a role in closing the gender gap. Science still has issues to address, but as Maggie indicates above, looking after yourself and finding what works for you is a priority. Then challenge those unconscious biases and stereotypes whenever you see, hear or experience them. As a role model, encourage young girls to take an interest in science. It can be one of the most rewarding careers they can choose, where they can tackle some of the world’s most challenging issues and truly contribute to making the world a better place.

To read more about Maggie’s story and those of other amazing women professionals,sign-up to purchase “Career Interrupted – How 14 Successful Women Navigate Career Breaks”, Norah Breekveldt (Melbourne Books, 2015).

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Norah Breekveldt

Norah is Director of Breekthrough Strategies, a leadership coaching and HR consulting firm. Norah supports business leaders to advance gender equity and diversity in their workplaces, and empowers women to create successful careers. Norah commenced her career in the public sector, then progressed into senior executive roles in the chemical industry, motor industry, finance sector and supply chain organisations. As one of the few women on senior executive teams, she understands the dynamics of creating lasting change in complex, traditional organisations. She is the recipient of the BCA/AFR Work and Family Award in 1993 for the introduction of work/families practices at Kemcor, and the Telstra Business Women’s Award (Victoria) in 1995. Norah is the author of “Sideways To The Top – 10 Stories of Successful Women That Will Change Your Thinking About Careers Forever” (Melbourne Books, 2013 and Career Interrupted – How 14 Successful Women Navigate Career Breaks (Melbourne Books 2015).